WWDC 2012 - A Guide For Those That Can't Go

For those of us that didn't get WWDC tickets, I've decided to write up some tips to make us feel like we're there (based on my experience the last two years). So let's keep our chins up, eh? Here goes:

NOW

1. Send me $1600.00. Part of WWDC's mystique is writing a large check for others to tell you what to do. This is a necessary step. Make sure you do it.

   THE DAY BEFORE

2. Register. Have your S.O. misspell your name on a small piece of paper and attach it with a shoestring. Write WWDC 2012 on a piece of clothing (jacket, t-shirt) and wear it EVERYWHERE for the next five days.

   THE FIRST DAY

3. Form a single file line outside of your house (you may need to draw on kids, pets, etc). This will simulate the early gathering of dedicated engineers outside of Moscone before the keynote speech. While Tim Cook might not be as big of a draw as Steve was (RIP Steve), you may still want to get in line no later than 11PM the night before; you'll want to be able to sit up front.

   If you can get a neighbor to walk down your "line" and offer you magazines no one reads, that would be ideal.

4. Once inside Moscone (your house) walk into a small closet filled with clothes, lukewarm coffee, a few bagel fragments and a banana. This represents the "pre-keynote" activity where everyone is standing in the grand hallways. It does get a little tight. Stand there until you get tired, and then sit down and pull out your laptop. Complain about the Wifi.
5. After 50 minutes or so, get up and walk out of the closet and go upstairs for the keynote. Hurry and find a seat. Stragglers will need to stay downstairs in "the overflow room" since the ballroom will be filled.
6. When the keynote starts, you may find yourself clapping for no particular reason. Write something clever on your iPad and hold it over your head. Smile a lot. You're at WWDC!!!

   POST-KEYNOTE LUNCH

7. Go downstairs. Form a line in front of a table with 5000 boxes of food. After 15 minutes, grab a box of food and attempt to find a seat. Sit on the floor if there are no tables. You can get a drink but, for maximum realism, you should only stock Diet Sprite.

   ATTEND A SESSION

8. Pick a session and form a line outside your den.

   Uh oh. You're turned away at the door; this session is full. Stand in line outside your bedroom instead. Listen to a session talking about hardware optimization on the Newton. It's okay to leave early.

   OTHER ACTIVITIES

9. Set up a pseudo Apple knick-knacks and branded clothing store. Be sure to overcharge yourself.

   ATTEND THE THURSDAY NIGHT EVENT

10. Hang out with 5,000 of your closest friends and listen to a band only five of you have ever heard of. Smile a lot. You're at WWDC!!!

Seriously though, I enjoyed (and learned a lot at) WWDC the last couple of years. Maybe I'll go again next year :)